I learned some hard lessons early in life. I learned to not take people or time with loved ones for granted. I learned that people leave and sometimes they leave forever. I learned that you must make your goodbyes count and mean something.
Deep down I do believe that a lot of my anxiety and worry goes back to losing so many people at such a young age. Back then I didn't really understand how much it would change who I am and the person I have become. Im fortunate that I still have both of my parents and I thank God every day for that. I grew up with amazing parents and a wonderful family. We just dealt with so much loss.. so quickly. I don't know if Ive ever completely gotten over all of the loss or if its just something that kind of became a part of me.
When I think back to my childhood.. it was a happy one. I have so many great memories. I also believe I found God very early in life because of it all. We lost so many people so quickly that I knew the only way to ever see them again was to find God. I poured myself into religion.. which was odd because although my family believes and prays.. we were never a church going family. I remember going to church with friends. They'd take me to Sunday school with them, youth groups, motion choirs, summer camps.. I truly believe all the loss I went through brought me closer to Him.
I know now that my husband was sent to me at an early age to help bring me to the church. He also strengthened my faith in a way I never thought possible. My husband, a very devote Catholic never missed mass. I didnt understand it back then.. but I do now. My husband has been in my life since I was 15 years old. We started dating almost 19 years ago and will be celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary this month. I know it was divine intervention that brought us together. He is my best friend and I couldn't imagine going through life with anyone else.
So tonight while I went through an old box filled with memories (cleaning out the storage room.. I found lots of goodies!). I found pictures of all the people I have lost.. grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. At first I was so sad.. brought to tears by all the sadness in this box. All the people I miss so much. This box was also filled with old letters.. most of them from my husband.. little notes, cards from flowers, and tons and tons of cards from over the years. While sharing this box of treasures with our daughters tonight, I was reminded how everything really does happen for a reason.
We may not understand the hardships at the time. We may not understand the relationships that don't end up working. We may not understand the unanswered prayers. But we need to remember there is a greater plan in place. A plan that we couldn't possible understand here on earth. A plan we won't understand until we are back in our real home in Heaven. Until then, God sends us little signs that He is helping us on our journey. He is with us and trying to help us reach our ultimate goal... to be with Him forever in paradise.
I know that suffering through a lot of loss as a child made me appreciate people and time so much more. I know that my husband was sent to me early in life to save me and bring me back to the church. I know that all of the failed relationships I prayed so hard about before my husband failed because something bigger was coming... our marriage.. our children.. our life.. our forever. I know that God has a plan for all of us. We just have to trust in Him to get us there.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for showing me that through the suffering, through the hardships, your plan is in place. There is something bigger coming for all of us. Something so great we cant even begin to imagine. Please Lord, be with everyone who is missing someone tonight. Please grant them peace, grant them comfort. Thank you for creating a place for us in paradise. Somedays I lose focus. I know I do. I lose focus that my main and only goal in life is to get my family to Heaven. Please help me remember that Lord.. when I get busy with the every day tasks. Please help me remember my ultimate goal.. my real purpose.. is to one day get Home to You. In your name I pray, Amen
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