Where I belong

Do you ever have those days.. where you just feel like you don't belong.. anywhere? I have those days a lot. I know often that its my anxiety speaking or even some depression sprinkled in the mix. I try to tell myself its the paranoia part of this wonderful thing called anxiety and that its just all in my head.. but then other times Im not so sure. Sometimes even if Im surrounded by a group of people (since covid not so much.. but even in a crowd standing 6 its apart) looking around I just feel so.. different.. like I just don't fit.. I don't fit anywhere. 

I feel like some people just put themselves out there so much easier. I feel like some people just attract other people so easily. Then it makes me wonder.. why don't I? Whats wrong with me? (Remember that ever nagging evil one.. he's always there!.. damn anxiety!). 

I walk up to a group of people and feel like they stop talking because I walk in. Sometimes I think the invisible feeling is the worst of all.. when you walk into a room and no one stops.. no one even notices you came in.. uff. That invisible feeling has got to be the worst of all. 

I wonder often if others feel this way too.. even the ones that seem to have it all together. The ones that always seem to attract a flock of people. The ones that it seems so easy for others to like and want to be around. Do they feel this way too? What it must be like to have that kind of confidence!

I write this tonight again not for attention. That is not and never was the intention of this blog. My intention is not seeking help.. or seeking anything at all really for myself. 

My intention is to help others.. if I can help anyone else out there not feel so alone.. or give them some hope that they aren't the only one... then this blog is worth it and Ive done what I hoped to. I hope to inspire others.. to talk.. talk to each other about the tough stuff. If you can't talk to someone.. at least write about it. It helps. It really does. 

Its okay to be a deep thinker. 

Its okay to feel... a lot. 

Its okay to feel alone and like you don't belong sometimes.

...But its not okay to keep it all in. Thats when things get hard. Thats when we get stuck. 

We as human beings need to realize that we are all on this journey together. We are all in the same race trying to reach ultimately the same goal.. to have a good, full life. 

Why not help each other along the way? Life is tough.. but together we can make it great. We can get through the tough times. 

When Im having days like today.. where I just feel like Im watching from the outside... like I just don't fit in.. I just don't belong.. I remind myself I feel this way because this is not my final home. 

My final home is in Heaven with Him. We never feel completely like we fit in here because we aren't supposed to.. Our home is in Heaven. So I remind myself that I do fit in somewhere.. I do belong in His kingdom. I don't feel like I fit in yet because Im not supposed to. My place is waiting for me.. and my time and place to feel like I belong is being prepared for me right now.. in paradise.

Dear Lord,

Days like today when I just feel so alone and like I don't really fit in anywhere.. please help remind me that Im not meant to fit in here. Im meant for something so much greater. I don't feel like I fit in because Im not home yet. My home is with you in Heaven. Thank you for preparing a place for me with you. I know when I come home to you I will finally feel at peace and like Im where Im meant to be. Please Lord, be with anyone out there who feels this way. Please help all those tonight that are feeling the same way as me. Maybe they feel ignored, forgotten, or alone. Please remind them too that they aren't home yet. Please comfort them and surround them with your love. In your name I pray, Amen.